by Christina L. Moreland
First of all, Happy New Year! I hope you enjoyed the holiday break and 2017 is your best year yet…
A few years back when confronted with the upcoming New Year, I did something revolutionary… I completely changed the way I approached New Year’s Resolutions.
While it’s true that you’re 95% percent more likely to reach a goal simply by WRITING IT DOWN, most experts will tell you to be very detailed and specific about your goals… The old way might look something like this: “I will lose 10% body fat 90 days from now by exercising four days per week and eating lean foods.”
“I resolve to avoid sodas for a full 7 days, then 10 days, then 30 days, then altogether…”
“I will count to ten when I’m tempted to yell at my child.”
That all SOUNDS great, but for me, the problem with that type of resolution is this: Guess what happens if I only workout for three days a week instead of four? I feel guilty and as though I didn’t follow through on my commitment, which makes me feel like a failure!
And what happens if I DO drink a soda (or glass of wine) on a Tuesday instead of making it all the way to Saturday? Again, I feel guilty, and the Guilt / Failure Complex begins all over again…
And if I do in fact yell at my child? The word FAILURE screams loudly in my head!
So a few years back rather than map out my detailed goals for the year, I simply asked myself ONE QUESTION.
Want to know what it was?
What brings me JOY?
Why joy? Well, joy is a POWERFUL word!
Joy is a SOURCE of exceptional keen delight; it’s elation, a state of happiness. And joy comes from within and doesn’t go away. In other words, joy is not a momentary, fleeting emotion like when you get a new pair of shoes and the feeling wears off after you’ve worn them a couple of times… And you know what else?
Joy is contagious!
It spreads to those around you.
So, as I thought about those New Year’s Resolutions and considered what brings me joy, I was actually creating a way to spread my joy and light with my friends and family, and with the world.
As mothers, this can be an extremely powerful tool, because, as you know, we are the caregivers to so many and often feel depleted afterwards. Creating goals around lasting joy means you can create something that emanates a positive Ripple Effect to those around you, INCLUDING YOUR CHILDREN!
I’ll get to how we might do this specifically to help our parenting skills in just a moment, so if you’ll bear with me, this is actually very relevant to being a Super Mom.
How did my specific goals appear on the page?
It brings me JOY to…
1. Feel strong and healthy
Resolutions: Workout 3 – 5 days per week, Eat vitamins, Eat lean, healthy and organic foods, Do yoga once per month (for mind, body and spirit), Go to the chiropractor once per month for re-alignment, Get my physical done and any blood work needed, Get my mammogram…
2. Provide and spend time with family and friends
Resolutions: Cook, Look up and call (on the actual phone) 5 old friends this month, take photos of the boys and transfer them to collectible photo books or DVDs, go on a date night once per month with my husband and separately with my kids…
3. Have a creative outlet
Resolutions: Take a photography class, revisit my old hobby before Ashton was born and play guitar, Play it at least 3 times per week, even if for just 10 minutes, write funny things the kids say in a journal …
So not to bore you, I won’t include the full list here, but you can get an idea for how this can play out in different areas of your life. I invite you to think about the top 5 broad arenas of your life that you care about and start there, such as Home, Parenting, Career / Business, Health, Spirituality — that really helped me to try and formulate a balance into what I wanted to create.
So, NOW let’s take a look at how this might relate specifically to our parenting styles…
If one of your personal resolutions is to not yell at your kids, try to avoid writing down “I will not yell at my kids…”
What’s interesting about this kind of self-talk is it can actually have the opposite effect you’re going for. When we tell ourselves NOT to do something, it programs our brains to do exactly the thing we just told it not to do. 🙂 Weird, huh?
So the resolution might look more like this:
“I will spend more time connecting with my kids this year…”
Well, so how can we stay on task and do what we set out to do?
1. Think about what you CAN do
2. Think about the elements you ENJOY doing that are part of it
Here are some ideas:
- If you enjoy talking with your daughter about a book you’re reading together, sit with her and braid her hair while discussing the book. It’ll likely lead to more conversation, and the connection time will bond you two so you’re less likely to get frustrated with her for not picking up her clothes or flushing the toilet, and she’s more likely to comply because of that connection time.
- Rather than giving your son 3 or so tasks to complete as you’re walking around cleaning, stop, get down on his level and have a chat. Explain that you’re trying to clean / prep the house for company and he’s big enough to help. But more than that, he’s a huge helper! And you wouldn’t want to put his toys someplace where he can’t find them. By helping, he can CONTROL where and how things are put away.
- Be purposeful about scheduling “date nights” with each individual child. This is a GREAT way to reconnect when you feel like you just haven’t been on the same page, and this is relevant for any age. It’s often in those quiet, calm moments when I’ve been able to encourage my son to do something that had been quite difficult previously.
The other great news to this type of approach to resolution-making is that you’re ALWAYS moving in a positive direction!
With this approach, you won’t feel the backwards movements so dramatically… two steps forward, one step back will just feel like part of the process. 🙂
Yes, you’re going to make mistakes — we ALL do!! But you’re going to feel less guilty, less stress, and give yourself a little more compassion and forgiveness. And we all could use more of THAT!
If you enjoyed this, I would appreciate and welcome comments here on the blog at www.SecretsOfTheSuperMoms.com.
Have a great day!
Do you have a copy of my new book? Moms are LOVING it!! Get your copy here ==> Click here for more info!
Attention Brand New Moms! Get “Secrets of the Super Moms” for FREE + Shipping ==>
You are about to discover some of the best kept secrets about early Motherhood and get real “lessons learned” peer advice from real moms — straight talk you’ll wish you’d known BEFORE you had your baby…
This is the guide every mom before you WISHES she’d had when she was facing all the challenges of being a new mom…
A survival tool for those times when she was fumbling to breastfeed in public or fighting to get her baby to sleep, or struggling to balance the roles of fun mom and firm disciplinarian… and too often feeling frozen by self-doubt over whether she was doing any of it right at all.
This book is a SHORTCUT. A blueprint to success.
Want to CRUSH your Fitness Goals??